Into the ether!

I have recently decided, that I need to focus my energy on more positive processes that actually profit my personal wellbeing some how.

This all came about after watching a documentary about a business man who has inspired me since i was around 16 years old, Steve Jobs. Before the internet categorises me as yet another apple fan-boy, you are jumping to conclusions. I Appreciate, and regularly use, a lot of apple products as do most people, but the products designed by Jobs are a very minor part of the reason he inspires me so much. The way he handled himself, his attitude towards competition and mostly his never-ending hunt for perfection.

I have taken a few hits in my personal life very recently, I had been promoted to a managerial position just after leaving university and all was going well. Then unfortunately circumstances changed which means I am currently looking for full-time work. It was neither me being sacked, nor me quitting, but a change of circumstances that didn’t allow for my position to exist anymore.

This left me, mentally, in a place that wasn’t what I could describe as positive. This was compounded by my fiancée going back to Sri Lanka to sort some things out, so was away for a month. So I have been sat in a big house on my own. Everyone that knows me well enough to know about my issues seems to say the same thing “Keep yourself busy”. The issue this causes is that unfortunately the nature of my previous job wasn’t one that lent itself to making many friends due to long hours and working weekends. This is impacted severely by me recently moving 250 miles from my home to move in with my fiancée.
The dilemma I face is that I now don’t have any friends in the area, very limited amounts of money and my partner isn’t here for the moral support either.

All this combined left me in a very negative place. How does any of this relate to Steve Jobs?

Well this documentary that I watched explained in a little detail that he had, in his life, dealt with both very positive, and very negative situations, and the crucial bit. HE NEVER GAVE UP! The guy died a household name someone that the public mourned upon his death. He was a genius.

So after reaching a moment where I just wanted to give up and curl up in a ball in a corner and not move, I decided I would be more like Jobs. No I’m not going to start wearing turtle necks, and no I probably don’t have the business sense that he had, but i do have the very same determination to strive for perfection, I do have the ability to Never Give Up!

“In your life you only get to do so many things and right now we’ve chosen to do this, so let’s make it great.” – Steve Jobs.

That really changed my outlook on the way things were going for me. I was very negative about my situation which thinking about it even whilst I sit here and type, is ridiculous. I am getting married in less than a year. I have lots of planning to do! Make It Great!

“Everything around you that you call life was made up by people that were no smarter than you, and you can change it, You can influence it” – Steve Jobs.

Revision I won this battle but I still fear the war.

Yeah so a more light-hearted, less ranting post than my usual but exam season is over and I haven’t got a care in the world (till I have to go to work tomorrow night) and my birthday is this weekend so I am pretty damn excited about that.

The big 20 and I have to work all day as well, I suppose it’s quite a fitting entrance into adult life really…..

So yeah quite a short one but there you go!

The Winds Of Change

Well in honest there has been a lot of change since my last post  and probably anyone that used to read this will have lost interest in reading and re-reading my nonsensical ramblings of depression.

So we start a fresh! No more whining or moping about how shit life is, because no longer is this the case.

So what has happened since my last post, I hear you ask, or maybe its my imagination. I feel compelled to answer in either case so …. Since the last post I have separated from my then girlfriend, over the summer, and moved on with life into a second year of university where I am truly the happiest I think I have ever been. I have gained some amazing friends and had some pretty wild nights, but also the course I am currently studying has moved on from basics to something which is actually challenging me, so in that respect I have it all…. except a girlfriend, well kind of…… but that is another blog post for a later date.

Right well more of my nonsensical ramblings …….. Recently I have been thinking about the rights and wrongs of the way people use computers. As a computer science student, there is rarely a day where I don’t learn something about computers or computing  that doesn’t make me stop and think. Yet I am very aware of how some people are using them for not only malicious purposes, which although wrong, I feel is still better than for menial things that have no greater effect on the world we live in.  By this I mean there are people who barely use their personal computers, which they spend enormous amounts of money on without developing, or even attempting to gain any real sort of knowledge of what they are buying and how it will actually work for them rather than an alternative. I am a big believer that people should be able to do what ever they want with their money without fear of condemnation, and as such I don’t want it to come across in that tone either. If you want to spend your money in that way then who am I to say otherwise, but it isn’t people with this sort of money that annoy me, it is people who are on a budget and still go out and spend hundreds of pounds because their computer that they have ‘isn’t fast enough’ for their liking. It is people like this that, if they were to spend even just a couple of hours doing some research could save themselves a fortune when they next take a trip to PC world. You might say that it’s the retailers fault for not making it clear enough, but shouldn’t we as grown ups be looking after ourselves by now and not still expecting everything to be handed on a plate.  So I very strongly feel that if people only realised how much they could learn in a relatively short space of time.

What my point really is I suppose, is that there isn’t enough information about computers that makes people want to learn, I remember being at school and not wanting to learn something because the method of delivery was so tedious. I genuinely still marvel at the wonders of the computing world from the first DOS box to the iPhone and the possibilities for the future. I just feel like they are taken for granted all too much in the sort of society we live in. This aggravates me to no end because I speak to people who have computers and yet all they do with them is check Facebook and, from my point of view, are both uneducated as to the marvels of what have been done with computers since their invention and not encouraged properly to learn more about them. It’s hard to explain as I am really aware that I could be sounding like a rather self-righteous twat, and again that’s the opposite of how I actually want it to come across, But I have to make myself very clear on my intentions with this post because I would hate people to think ill of me due to a miss understanding. After beating around the bush for long enough I think I am trying to say that I don’t feel people who are only using them for the before mentioned use, should really bother at all. I appreciate their lack of knowledge can lead to a less than comfortable experience (most likely derived from either living with out them for a while or poor IT lessons at school) and this puts them off looking at what the average PC is capable of doing and pushing there horizons. Generally speaking people could make so much more use of the technology that is available to them than they actually do, and more worryingly this is starting to spread into the mobile devices area too. I know far too many people who own blackberries and or iPhones and again all they use them for is to check their texts make phone calls and check Facebook. I really think people need to stop buying technology just for the sake of it and actually have a think about whether they really need the best laptop in the store or would the one £300 cheaper be sufficient, or whether they actually need an iPhone or are they just buying it for the fashion statement. I do want to reiterate that I am not attempting to tell people how to spend their money, in fact it is the opposite if anything im just trying to help by giving advice on how not to spend your money.

Rant over!

On the upside….

This made me laugh so hard!!!

Well having had a pretty bad run of it lately I really thought I was about due some luck, I was wrong! The seemingly endless cycle of misery is yet more compounded by 2 things this week, 1 makes the other so much worse, the other half has gone away to Magaluf for a week with some of her ‘girlfriends’ this doesn’t bother me too much, it’s not the first time and I’m reluctant to believe it will be the last time. I am going to miss her but its made a bit worse by the fact things are only just starting to get back to normal after a pretty rough patch for the two of us, I’m quite hopeful that it will help us out if she actually realises what she has back home (I really don’t mean to come across as arrogant I am aware it could go completely the other way and her realise there is better out there as well but I’m staying away from them sort of thoughts ) and she might actually appreciate me a bit more than it would now seem she does.

The second addition to the pile is my car broke down on sunday, well when I say it broke down I mean it isn’t working as it should, which is really causing me more problems than you would think because it is still drivable but with it being the clutch that is going (its stiff to get it into gear (im almost certain its the master cylinder as its a hydraulic clutch) and with the pedal all the way to the bottom it still doesn’t disengage the clutch quite properly) I really don’t want to use it and end up having to drive all the way home without a clutch (clutchless shifts aren’t easy).

But its killing me that I have a car that works (ish) but yet I still can’t get about to see people other than on buses and trains (which are really expensive even compared to the price of petrol)

I was meant to be using my car to empty my flat in hull with the help of mum and dad, because my contract ends on Friday and I have to hand my keys back into the university. With my car being off the road I can’t fill it with stuff so mum and dad are going to have to do multiple trips to get it all done!!

Nothing ever goes right when you need it to eh ?

But on the upside I went Ice Skating on Sunday and was glad to see that I haven’t really lost it, I’m not as fit as I was and maybe not as agile anymore but after 2 months off the ice I think I’m doing ok. I reckon I might go find a pay for what you use gym and get some leg training in whilst im not able to skate as much I should also probably work on my endurance and cardio 🙂

I feel I should point out that for anyone that doesn’t actually know me I play Ice Hockey for Hull University and therefore I used to skate 4/5 times a week 🙂

so its not all doom and gloom (for a change)

Die besten Pläne gemacht von Mäusen und Menschen …

cool eh ?

I don’t like either German or English lessons so why this as the start of my latest post is confusing me as much as you can imagine but it just feels fitting for the way i feel right now. The complete quote which bestows the head of my post is ‘The best laid plans of mice and men oft go awry’ which i feel sums my life up pretty well at the moment. now I’m not really one for blurting emotions onto public forums a lot but just recently things have started to get on top of me a little bit and I needed an outlet for every thing now my friends are brilliant they really are I don’t know what I would do without them all (you know who you are and I know at least one of you will read this so thank you ) but I don’t want my mates thinking I’m just some depressed boy so I try to remain relatively light and happy when I am with them 🙂 (I didn’t succeed on sat) so I have resorted to boring my 3/4 readers with my depressing thoughts and feelings.

firstly I need to explain that I have from about the age of maybe 13 /14 had a fairly good solid plan of what I will do with my life and just recently this plan seems to be falling apart and I don’t for a minuet like it. I like to have a plan so I know what I need to do and where I need to be mentally / physically, now I am aware that I push myself quite hard all the time and chances are that is the reason I end up like this, I ‘HAVE’ to win , I cannot fail.(unfortunately that’s not a statement of my abilities it’s what I have to do)

The first thing I am down about is money. As you know if you have read anything before on this blog i have just started my 3rd job and this is brilliant I’ll have to be honest with you its easy money you could train monkeys to do (probably more successfully they area cuter than I am ) but it yet again eats into my already limited free time and for any one who knows I do nothing all week I don’t mean to sound whiney when I get all week off usually but I want to remind you I work extra hard on a weekend working friday nights till around 1130 /1200 I then get up to be at work for 8 on sat morning work till 5 then have to be at work on sat night for 6 and as it’s a 20 min drive it leaves me maybe half an hour to shower and change, I then don’t finish till some where around 1130 that night after which I don’t want my mates thinking I’m a constant let down so i go out till usually 1/2 o’clock that night and I know this doesn’t sound too hard but its the lack of sleep that kills me I end up sleeping till like 11/12 on sunday which means I never get to see my dad really because he is usually busy getting ready to go to work for the week by then. I am stuck in a catch 22 with it I like having the extra money (£72 a week extra is a lot to say no to)  but I really wanted to relax during these holidays having worked like mad at uni to do well. and now I am yet again working like mad to try to pay for things.

The second in this seemingly circular list is that Amy (my other half) is going on four holidays this year and this includes a girls holiday to magaluff and a holiday to Bulgaria that I was supposed to be going on and then her mum didn’t book me a ticket, to make worse that i had lost the only chance of a holiday with Amy this year her mum has booked it so that she will be away over our 2 year anniversary so I aren’t going to get to see her on the day we got together 2 years previous and it’s not like it’s the day after she goes or the day before she comes home its bang in the middle of the week she is away she is then going away for a weekend with one of her other mates that doesn’t bother me too much in honesty but she is then off away for a week with the same friend later on so the only time she has free is the week before I go back to uni for which she has been put down to work. So not only do I not get a holiday with Amy mum and dad can only get to go on holiday after I have gone to uni. So seemingly unless I go away on my own I won’t be getting away from this place which make the remaining 7 weeks of my summer seem like an excruciatingly long prospect.

Next on my list is my car! I never for a moment thought that I could possibly gain so much stress from 1 car. The previously mentioned car crash is still an ongoing issue and is causing me a hell of a lot of stress that really and truly could rather do without.

Another thing on my list is Amy, and I don’t want to sound cheesy but she is my world entirely I adore her and she knows this, since we got together she has given me so much confidence that anyone who knew me at school knows I never dreamed I could have, the thing is though recently things haven’t been so good she is really busy and has a lot on her mind and stuff to do and fit people in around all the hours she works but I can’t help but feel like I’m not exactly at the top of her priorities at the moment and its all caused by the fact I very rarely get to see her anymore i get to see her for like maybe 4 hours twice a week during which time she either has jobs to do or wants to sleep because she is so tired which makes me feel very under-appreciated.

So that pretty much sums my life up as does this song. ( just the chorus)

ps. I don’t know anyone called Valentino

That’s a wrap!

With the mood I am in at the time of writing I should hasten to apologise if this isn’t one of my most enlightening or for that matter interesting posts. But if you take a while to look over some of the previous posts you will realise this isn’t so much about sharing my thoughts as more a way of putting them into words and hopefully one day I will be able to look back and call upon lessons learned or happy memories whilst at the same time giving my self and audience with which I feel some connection and therefore some motivation to carry on posting.

 

Well onto the topic that has coined the title of the post. I am currently writing this from my house which I lived in whilst at Uni this year, now the reason for this post my have now become apparent to the more astout of you. I am writing for the last time from this location and have spent the night packing all my things up ready to move them all back to my parents house ready to go to the next house for next year. I’m not usually one for sentimental ramblings but I can’t help but think about every thing that has happened since i moved into this house some exceedingly good things and some fairly atrocious things too but all in its been good so I shall keep it short but thank you to everyone that has been involved you have certainly made it a very ‘memorable’ year

Lets hope the next house brings as much fun as this one did 😀

Three is the magic number ….. Apparently!

Well having been to a job interview (if you can really call it that) today I have managed to ascertain myself another job to add to the list which now includes sales lad in a butchers pizza boy and the latest addition leaflet deliverer. The hours suit me perfectly 1 – 5 so I still don’t have to get out of bed early and as yet it’s only 3 days a week ( there it is again that apparently magical number) but if I want I can do more days as I get into it. The thing so happy about with this job is that all the money I will be earning from it will be pure savings money my other 2 jobs I already have caver everything I have out going and a few nights out a month so everything I will earn (about £70) a week will be able to go straight into my savings account so I can get some cash behind me for if per happens to my car or depending on the money some of the future modifications I have got planned for next year my well come a bit sooner but I also have something rather special I’m saving up for (I’m sorry to keep secrets from you all but I can’t guarantee my audience) so I’m quite tempted to put it into a bank account set up for that purpose alone and then hopefully it shouldn’t be too long before it happens! I really hope that it lives up to the expectations I have of it and that it pays me enough in the time before I go back to uni to achieve my goal having said that I want to be able to add more once back at uni by being really careful with my loan this time! I shall let you all know how it goes 🙂

Transformers 3 Dark of the Moon

Having been a huge fan of the franchise since a small child I was obviously desperate to see the third instalment of paramounts version on the theme. If I am completely honest with you all I we some what sceptical about the coming 3rd addition to an already stretched storyline but having seen the trailer more times in the last month or so than I have my other half (that is another blog post tho) I arranged a trip win a friend to go and see it! Firstly I must say that we went to see it in 3d and I’m sorry to say it but it was completely unnecessary you don’t really notice it and it isn’t at all needed so don’t waste the extra £2 go buy some sweets with it! The film started with a fairly simple explanation of what was happening with the autobots now that they had defeated megatron yet again in the second film. Helping the humans fight terror and hopefully (not strictly mentioned) destroy Simon Cowell. But they remain alert for any sign of the deceptacons and energon the life force. I’m not going to tell you everything that happens if you want to know do the decent thing and go see it!
The plot continues along it’s not so merry path and comes to a close with megaton killing the last prime before optimus (which I was under the understanding he was the only remaining survivor and all the others were destroyed thousands of years ago (you see early man in the start of the second film) and then optimus killing megaton again! This is where I have fallen out with the paramount version on the theme I can cope with him not being killed (or to be more correct resurrected ) once but to stretch that to twice is beyond plausible also they are changing the storyline to much and Beijing in new characters (a red ferrari) without introducing them also I was a little upset by there interpretation of sound-wave as I was firmly under the impression he was vastly different from the others and could take whatever form he wanted! I don’t want this to be misconstrued it is a good film on it’s own and if the truth be known I would probably go and see a forth instalment should there be one but I think if they are to continue to use this theme as a cash cow they need to go back to it’s origins and be far more true to them than they currently are being personally though I don’t see any way there could be a forth instalment as they’re surely can’t be yet another way for them to revive megaton as you se his head separated from his body I regret to say then that based on this being the finally it was an epic let down to those loyal to the series all the way through 😦 and although glad I am that it would appear they autobots won in the end I feel it could have certainly been done in a better manner than just optimus killing them all as per usual 😦

Exchange of equivalence

I know I probably post on here too much for it to not just be my random ramblings but I have been thinking recently and I was hoping that if any of the audience that I will assume for my own ego reads this blog could help me to come up with an answer to my question I would greatly appreciate it.

Right to put it as simply as I can, I have been wondering recently if there is for every action an equal and opposite reaction within energy transfer surely based on the fact that everything boils down to energy transfer does this apply to things like thoughts, and the more ethical things like right and wrong for which there are no physical boundaries! Does this mean the principal doesn’t extend that far or does it mean for example if someone says a bad thing about someone else that someone will say something nasty about the person making the first statement I suppose what I am really asking is is there any plausible science behind karma, can anyone prove one way or the other ?? If any of you have any insight or opinions then I would really appreciate your input! My own thoughts lead me from this topic (if we assume my previous theory is right and there is science behind karma ) to surely that is some sort of evidence to a god like character that would have to decide what is right and wrong good and bad and that is where I come to a fairly major sticking point because although I do think that there might be something out there but with out more evidence I’m in all honesty fairly sceptical about it so based on my opinions on the 2 things I end up contradicting myself because the science suggests the thing I’m doubtful of to be true but if the whole god thing is true it disproves my science theory…..now do you see why I get stuck!

So anyone any ideas might help me out 🙂

The One And Only

Yes I’m back on here

This time its to say a big I LOVE YOU to my brilliant wifey (girlfriend) xx

You are my rock you really are with every thing that has been happening recently I owe you big time 🙂

xx